First, let me recap the October 25, 2008 events that led up to the upcoming steel cage match between yours truly, the magnificent Magnum and the bewildered, can’t spot the obvious Freak Nastty:

After easily outsmarting Freak Nastty to win the annual ECWA summit, thus maintaining my undefeated status, the sour-pussed sore loser cut my in-ring celebration short by charging at me with what I thought was a foreign object. Quick like a cat, I saved face and continued my celebration at ringside. The just-ejected part-owner started to rant and rave, desperate to know who had been attacking him for the past few months. Obviously, he ain’t no Freak Genius as I couldn’t have given him any more clues! Did I not put on a dead-on (albeit better looking) impression of him at the September show, highlighting his stupidity?

Anyway, let the dog have his day. So he tricked the awesome one into signing a match to face him inside a steel cage. Magnum fears no man! What I object to was that Freak obviously laced the contact papers with some kind of vaporous poison, causing me to pass out not once, but twice! He no doubt wanted to beat up an unconscious Magnum (which is the only way he might be able to inflict some damage) but I had the champ in my corner protecting me the whole time.

Freak Nastty … ask yourself: “What have I done?” Let Magnum tell you. In your desperate need to find the truth … in your unjustified confidence in your abilities … you signed a match to meet the ultimate in awesomeness inside a steel cage. You’re going to be trapped, with nowhere to run, with a human lethal weapon. I hope you’re prepared to hurt, Freak Nastty.

I was already at the height of all awesomeness, winning every match I’ve entered thus far. Now I have the ECWA Heavyweight Champion, Frederick of Hollywood training me. I’m at levels of awesomeness once never thought possible!

Freak Nastty is in for a long night. It seems the wrestling ring is to Magnum no different than a dance floor. I got skillz!!! Look at the facts. With no training whatsoever I won back-to-back 25+ man battle royals – that’s right, I beat just about the entire locker room two times!!! Now I only have to face one man!? It seems almost unfair.

I am training like a man possessed. After benching 385 for reps and then 2 hours of ladder and combat drills, I throw on an 84-lb weighted Xvest and tread water in the fast rapids of the Delaware River. Pressed for time, I usually only do 90 minutes of work in the water and then have a post-workout latte and massage. All in a day’s work for your hero, Magnum!

See you on November 22 Freak. You better bring you’re A game … but it will be no match for someone who’s on the A List!